Journey Through Literature

27 Jan

Listening to: “Different Time Zones” by Wu-Block “Close your eyes and count to (fuck)” Run the Jewels featuring Zach De La Rocha

Reading: “2666” by Robert Bolano

What have you been doing lately?

Gathering options. Knowing what can truly count. It’s knowing that someone can control your life that truly does piss me off. It’s why people can become kiss asses so quickly. I just need that will to know that I can achieve my dreams. I can write all day long but sending it out is just another position that people don’t want to hear about. It’s knowing that people don’t want you to win is just another reason why people don’t send their work to the publishers because they want something that will sell, but the reason why so many people have decided to self-publish is that it makes sense. If someone can play God and self-publish their book they are defying the will of the Gods. They are the ones who take their own destiny into their hands. They aren’t bothered by the idea of lawsuits. They know that what they speak will outlive them. It’s better to understand that when someone creates a book, it doesn’t mean people will read it, but someone with the will to win, they will always win when they fail. Everyone learns from failures, and sometimes failures are more beautiful than the Mona Lisa and her dipshit smile. It’s better to be imperfect and knows that incorrections are the dimples we really have. Being perfect is for people who have to worry about what others think.

That’s pretty rough.

Well, it’s a tough world.

Do you think literature should be an easy thing?

Nothing is easy. Just like working for Vital Statistics, where I was their slave for a year and a half. But again, no one wants to hear that. It’s better to let things lie. I think I have more dignity than to speak of a person who spends her life serving others when she can’t even live out her dream. Again, there were some good people there, but what that job taught me is that I’m not destined to die in an office job.

How will you do it?

It’s better to leave that a secret. Sending it out is one thing. But what I find is the same difference as those who beg in the middle of the street. I am related to Tolstoy (it’s true, I have proof), and I must prove myself in letters, and hold my cocked trigger finger at those who attempted to undermine me. It’s better to understand that those who have considered me a “loser” have only excited me to consider all my options in life. Literature has shown me who I can be, and I know that I have lived a thousand lifetimes and never died. While my characters died, I have outlived those who would wish me dead. While they have brats, ” I am the closest representation of God” to quote Killer Mike, and they think they might be like me, they wouldn’t know it. Even those who say they “understand” and then snitch on me later. I hope snitches live long and die with no one around them.

You’re angry today. Why?

All writers have anger, and if writers are punished for being angry, then that’s the system and its totalitarian aspects have gone on since the beginning of time. Dante had lived his life in exile, and if I have to, I will do it too. It’s easier to be an outcast than it is to be someone’s friend. Friends are for people who are co-dependent. All I have is the source of will who will make his own life in however he will. It sounds like I’m going to do something rash, but maybe in the opening in the sky, I will find myself among the gods and I will fly away to the source of all light and devotion one is allowed to have when they have been wronged by humans, sacrificed for his rebellion, and even then, I don’t have a choice but when I have a choice, I will make my own way, and I don’t have time for everyone’s words when all they do is follow the rules. I make my own rules, disrupting the world with my thoughts, and keep the adversaries in check. If I have to do it, I will make my point known. But again, this isn’t a call to arms. It’s a call to knowledge. It’s knowing how to survive smartly and using the hate against you to remind you that people do care about you. People do care and they don’t want anyone to get hurt. But I know when I keep writing, it’s a healing notion. It helps me feel. I can relate.

Is it because you are an Aspie?

My journey through literature has only been aware of this for a few years, but I know that when I write, I am more expressive than I am in a confrontation. But my words are what make me. I am the words I write, and I know I am aggressive, but God definitely killed everyone in the Bible before everyone obeyed his words. But again, that’s just an example. I like the way words travel and they can take me into the highest cloud and I can look down on those who feel they haven’t lived their life to the fullest potential. I can hear you and see your wishes. Literature is where we will connect.

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